Party Pooper

Lauren and I were at it again. This creative time is inspired by our friend Ruth. She had the misfortune of using the restroom after someone who didn't quite make it. Read on and you'll get the gist. 
So different from the last post. Sally says it shows my diversity as a writer. I'm not so sure ;) 

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“Melissa! I really need to pee.” I yell over the blaring rap music.  Unfortunately, Melissa is too intoxicated to care. A drunk guy I don’t know fills up her cup of hooch for the fifth time. I keep yelling that I have to pee until Melissa’s drunk and confused face registers the situation at hand. I even do the I have to pee dance that you see 4 year olds do. I’m making such a good impression at my first big high school party. Such a good impression. She makes no indication that she is going with me so I’m at this all alone.  I’m either going to weave my way through the crowd and find a bathroom by myself or I’m going to pee in my pants in the kitchen. I tell Melissa to stay put until I get back and she nods that she will. As soon as I gulp down my third cup of hooch, I push off the counter and head for the stairs. 

“I lurvv this song!” Melissa slurs and grabs the hand of unidentified drunk boy beside us, heading into the living room. 

“So much for staying in one spot!” I yell behind me. I make my way past herds of people playing drinking games and bump into a guy from my calculus class.

“Becky!!!” He says and his beer breath smacks me in the face “How are you?” Mark asks and stares directly at my boobs. I guess he isn’t used to tank tops in calculus class.
“Fine...just looking for the bathroom.” I say, already trying to get myself out of this conversation. Marks eyes light up like I’ve just invited him into my pants. I however, have no such desires. Instead of waiting for him to respond I point across the room yelling “Oh my God what is that!!!” This gets Marks attention away from my chest long enough for me to literally run away and make it to the stairs. 

After asking a train of intoxicated teens where the bathroom is I eventually find it. I reach for the knob like I’m about to open the door to a treasure. The damn thing is locked. I wiggle it again in hopes that this will magically make it vacant. I hear what I’m guessing is a guy yell “One Minute” and I start to count to 60, growing inpatient. I’ve been pacing in front of the door long enough to start getting attention. I recognize a few people from classes but assume that some people must go to other schools from the area. Everyone however has their drunk face scrunched up in my direction, confused. It’s like they have never seen a buzzed girl needing to pee. It can’t be that startling. 

I feel the third drink start to take effect and gather up courage. So much courage that I bang on the door yelling for the person to “Hurry the hell up!”. I repeat this and begin kicking the door. I quickly get bored with this either because of the hooch, or my short attention span, and lean against the door. Seconds later it’s thrown open and I literally stumble into the bathroom bumping into a topless man. 

Standing before me is the strangest person I have ever seen. He looks older than high school but still relatively young. His pronounced overbite only accentuates his large upper lip making his mouth appear to span across the entire width of his dirty face. His mangled hair is dirty blonde, I think, it’s hard to tell with all the grease. I lean forward and think I see a dorito in his hair. I get too close though and the dirty man boy growls at me. Literally growls at me. I yelp and jump back out of the doorway. The filthy man boy runs away and drags his hand behind him on the wall, leaving a brown smear of dirt. 

        After I gather my thoughts I run into the bathroom before someone else can and lock the door behind me. There before me is the most disgusting site I have ever seen. The dirty man boy before me must be the culprit. Smeared across the toilet and all the surrounding surfaces is his crap. His crap. My face scrunches up in disgust and I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I’m absolutely horrified. How can this....what type of...why in the world...? My mouth is open and I’m shaking my head as I back out of the bathroom. Trying and failing to swiftly unlock the door before the smell hits me. The awful and disgusting smell of man boy. Nasty nasty man boy. 

I fling the door open and the smell escapes along with my petrified self. Everyone outside the bathroom thinks this smell has come from me. Thinks this horror has come from my petite body. 

“It wasn’t me!” I scream as people start to gather and take in the totality of the bathroom.  It’s so atrocious it causes one girl to start gagging and crying “No, no, no.” And then I realize it’s her house. Her poor bathroom. Her poor parents that decorated that bathroom with thought and care. The monogramed hand towels are now ruined and stained. Only to have a strange man contaminate it forever. As far as this girl is concerned, I’m the one who has forever tainted her house. Her fun party. Her life. 

        I stumble down the stairs and frantically look for Melissa. Luckily she is still dancing with unidentified drunk boy and I grab her arm dragging her toward the door. She turns around and blows the guy a sideways kiss and winks. We make our way outside in record time and I turn to Melissa who has decided to sit on the steps, too drunk to carry on. 

“You’ll never believe what just happened.” I state matter of factly. 

“You got sick?” She questions and tilts her head to the side.

“No. I went into the bathroom and there was poop everywhere. This guys poop was everywhere. And the worst part is, they think it was me. Not this caveman that was in there before me!” I exclaim, reliving the terror that I endured all alone. 

Melissa looks at me for a few moments. Really appearing to be soaking in the situation. I’m expecting her to start to ask questions or laugh or something. But instead our silence stretches on until she finally utters the words “No shit!” and starts to crack up at her drunk pun.